Where Are You Going?

Is today the day?
Are you off to great places?
Are you off and away?

Let me tell you that I have brains in my head.
And although you have feet in your shoes,
I can also steer myself in any direction I choose.
Are you leaving without me? Say it isn't so.
Who are you to decide where to go?

Please take me, Dima your cat
I know the best places are where I'm at
You shouldn't be without a cat at your side
Your life will be better with me as your guide

But if you're alone, there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
But if you're with cat, you'll be traveling in style
You discover that coming with me was really worthwhile

Without me, you'll get confused, as you already know.
You'll be surrounded by mice, fish, and birds as you go.
So be sure when you step, step with care and a great cat,
And remember all those things I chase away just like that!

And will we succeed?
Yes! We will, indeed!
With Dima, you're 100% guaranteed.

So if you decide to go without me,
Remember that you're better off not going at all.
Because traveling without your cat
Will be your greatest fall.

Translator's Note: Dima had been writing draft after draft of this poem after Jenevieve took off for Maryland for 3 weeks this summer. He doesn't like any of us going out on our own, which is contrary to the Dr. Seuss book "Oh, the Places You'll Go!" He turned Dr. Seuss' words around to suit his own purpose. It's a bit convincing, I think.

The Giggling Plateaus of Zumgl

Your gorilla passed down the entryway
Fastidious herbivores cooking in the kitchen
Velvet milk with astral feathers
Teaspoon rollers in a half-winged pompous flight
Bocce jars and ice-cube liars swiping colors
Weighty ocular sheepskin diary juicers
A bat-winged chimpanzee swallowed spider resin after giblets
Penny igloos for the ones who might just be on time capsules
Roaches and windy bags of fear shall shut the muffin hut
Porcelain idols leaked upon the brass foam encountering a liaison
A disabled athlete’s finger and toe collection for a bush the size of a tree
Mortgage clipping swept away by the jester’s pretty city
Beware of the pockets of drool and despair, my ogre
Could a screwdriver agree to any hand-me-down trade?

Translator's Note: Dima is dabbling in surrealist poetry. Is it strange enough for you? It's certainly interesting coming from a cat, a surreal situation in itself. It was even Dima's idea to have this picture to intensify the surrealism. No, he's had no overdose on catnip.

Love Poems

Some cats are black
And some cats are gray
But you're the most beautiful cat
That I have seen all day

Some cats are striped
And some cats are solid
But you are the cat
Whose purrs have to be followed

Some cats are yellow
And some cats are white
I don't care what they say
But you're a cute cat who's out of sight

Some cats have claws
And some cats don't
Most cats leave their lovers
But, I'm telling you now, this one won't

Some cats are neutered
And other cats are spayed
Although we can't have kittens
(the last line has been censored by the translator)

Translator's Note: Dima came by telling me that he'd written a few poems inspired from the old "Roses Are Red" routine. I asked him to read me one, and I thought it sounded cute and endearing. So I started to translate them on his blog. And then suddenly, he's reading the last line of the fifth poem and I say, "Whoa!" Where did that come from?

Dima's usually a sweet and harmless cat, and that's the image I want him to keep on this blog. But we also must be reminded that cats are animals. And all animals have their urges. I guess life's not as easy for him as I thought it was.